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If one day the universe says, “Hoy, ikaw. Apply ka as VA ni President Bongbong Marcos,” I swear I would close my laptop, stare at the ceiling, and whisper:
“Lord… bakit ako?”
But fine. Challenge accepted.
Because if I’m entering the palace, I’m entering with vibes.
And the vibe is:
🔥 TOTAL DIGITAL EVAPORATION 🔥
My first task?
Not scheduling meetings.
Not writing speeches.
Not curating photos of the president pointing at things.
No.
NONE OF THAT.
My very first move as the newly self-appointed presidential VA would be:
DELETE THEIR FACEBOOK.
As in full-on digital rapture.
Wipe it.
Archive it.
Yeet it into the abyss.
Press delete like it’s the last petal of a dying sunflower.
And then?
We disappear.
Come back next year.
Same smile.
Same face.
New storyline.
No explanation.
No apology.
No closure.
Just vibes.
VA ACTION PLAN #000 (because even the number doesn’t make sense anymore)
Objective: Reset the presidential chakras via mass disappearance
Method: Facebook annihilation
Timeline: 365 days of silence, mystery, and national confusion
Forecasted Results:
- The entire country asking, “Ha? Asa na sila?”
- 53 conspiracy theories per hour
- A sudden spike in productivity dahil wala nang comment section wars
- Peace on earth (hopefully)
Imagine the serenity.
Imagine the headlines.
Imagine the collective emotional detox of a nation when the comment section finally rests.
Then — after one long, silent year — we return.
No fanfare.
No build-up.
Just: “Hello po, we’re back. Miss niyo kami?”
Chaos.
Absolute chaos.
National destabilization via vibes.
A PR renaissance.
A storyline reboot worthy of Netflix.